The Adjuster - Part 1

By Tony D

    This is the tale of a pre-apocalyptic insurance adjuster down on his luck who prays for disaster and destruction for his own financial gain and just plain fun.  A man sitting at his desk who only sees what’s right in front of his face with no regard for others or the common good. He’s not a bad man but a “nowhere man living in his nowhere land making all his nowhere plans for nobody.” 

We’ll call him Dis Astor. 

 Dis is a mild mannered suburban man just past his second wife with two kids and a little dog with one eye that wanders. His last wife was a used piece of jet trash with an alcohol problem and bleach blond hair that showed her true color in her roots. Dis is a man who tells never ending stories in minute detail down to the color of their shirts that make you want to drive a nail through your forehead.

When not telling stories he can suck the life out of a room. Dis never wants to do anything but hang at his house.  He’s the anti-fun, anti-matter, anti-thought and now he wants to work for the anti-Christ. He’s financially down on his luck with no prospects for the future wondering how he’s going to make his mortgage. His politics are conservative and he idolizes his ideology although he tolerates me as I mostly disagree with his point of view.

Dis has a few close friends but mostly stays at home and watches TV or movies alone.  His favorite show is South Park. It’s dark enough, sarcastic enough and deals with disaster and mayhem, Dis’s favorite topics. The only break in his routine is when he goes to his broken down houseboat to fish while still in dock as he has no money for gas.

Dis collects old guitars but never learned to play very well. A close friend of his is an insurance adjuster and suggested that he do the same. As he has little attachments besides his children he is free to travel to make his way

. Dis decided to go to the class and get his license. After the Katrina debacle insurance companies put licensing on the fast track so they would be prepared for the next disaster. Dis took full advantage of this as this is what he does. The only concern was the drug test as he smokes a little pot on occasion. Nothing habitual just enough to be social. Beer was his true love. He heard that vinegar and olive oil would mask the THC so he drank a whole lot it. That put him on the bowl for about 2 days. Good diet plan but no cigar. Next try was the Head shop to buy the drug masking drink so he could pass the test. Little did he know there wasn’t enough THC to show up in his system so the test wasn’t a problem.

Having passed the drug test he borrowed a ladder from me, bought what equipment he needed, and proceeded watching the news praying for disaster to hit so he could ply his new trade. Being aware of all the apocalyptic predictions he figured this was a good bet. 

   These are the chronicles of his experiences based on interviews with him which I would start but Dis wanted to take a nap.

To be continued……